The Bucket List

I'm sure everyone has a list of things they would like to do at some point during their life. Getting married, starting a family are probably some common goals people would like to achieve during their lifetime. But those are very cliche and boring! So, I decided to whip up a little list here of things I would like to do in my lifetime at some point. Sure, they may sound a little weird to you, but keep in mind that everyone has different things they would like to get done. Hey, maybe you always wanted to be a show dancer in Vegas. I certainly won't knock you for that. I might even come out to see you perform once (if you're lucky). I like to be entertained, and without further ado, I will now be entertaining you. Talk about a little plot twist, eh? I better have your attention.

Alas, here are some things on my list in no particular order:
1. Hustle someone in a game of pool: I actually had the opportunity to knock this one off the list one time, but I ended up losing (since the entire place I was at doesn't know the official way to play pool). I was down a few balls, he got overconfident and I ran the table at the end to the 8 ball. When I made a ball that slightly touched another and then went into the pocket, he cried and chaos unfolded. I have played in college pool tournaments and clearly know the official rules, but everyone goes by their own little rules that they think is right. Close, but no cigar.
2. Get hit with a puck while spectating a hockey game: Now, you must think I may be really nuts, but how great of a story would that be to tell for generations? "Yeah, I was at a hockey game and Alex Ovechkin winded up for a hard slapper and it deflected off of someone's shin pads and went directly at my nose". Imagine how impressive that would be. And who knows? If I get hit in the mouth with a wicked slapper, maybe the team's coach will notice and sign me to the team for losing teeth. Isn't that one of the requirements to make a professional hockey team?
3. Get pelted with tomatoes on a stage: This is a classic. If I ever have to entertain a crowd (lord help us all) and I'm struggling with it so bad, my only wish would be to get pelted with a ridiculous amount of tomatoes from the audience. That way, I can at least say I started a food fight. That's why if I ever am in a play, or whatever the event or gathering may be, I am going to make sure that tomatoes and salads are served to everyone as a pre-event meal.
4. Become a trending topic on Twitter: I don't care exactly how I become a trending topic, but I want it to happen at least once during my lifetime. I don't mind if people trend "Kuklewicz", the full name of "Kurt Kuklewicz", or even "Big Buff" (my nickname at my college gym). Therefore, I will be trying my best to make waves during my lifetime. When I see an opportunity to get publicity, you can be sure that I'm going to take it just for reaping the benefits of gaining popularity. If I have to save a bunch of kittens from a tree to become a trending topic on Twitter, then so be it. What can I say? I'm a drama queen.
5. Date a Kardashian: Probably a lot harder than it sounds, but come on? You can't argue this one. Even if you're a chick.
6. Go hand gliding: I can't think of a better rush than gliding through the clouds over dangerous terrains. It's a high risk / high reward activity. You may think it's stupid, but let's face the facts. First off, the view has to be incredible, and who the hell doesn't want to fly? I can fulfill the fantasies of being a superhero that I had since I was four years old. Also, nothing gets the heart pumping like the thrill of facing death in the eyes. Incredible cardio workout right there and you don't even need to run.
7. Record a studio album. It doesn't even have to be good. In fact, it could even be so bad that it's comical. Even if I suck at making songs, at least I can thrive at being so bad that I at least make someone laugh. Just look at William Hung. He went platinum. Any takers for creating a band, let me know. I got some good band names stored away.
8. Be in a heist: Yes, it's true. Every guy you know wants to be in a heist. Even the "nice guys". The role I would prefer to play in the heist would be mastermind who draws up the entire strategy. I always called plays in Madden football video games well, and I would imagine that operating a heist is very similar. What's that? A SWAT team is coming at us from the left? Fake it like you're going to take them head on, and then bootleg to the right. See something you don't like during the heist? Audible to a different plan of action. Easy.
9. Throw my coat in a puddle so a lady can walk over it without getting their shoes wet: This has always been on my bucket list ever since I was little. I may be overconfident and viewed as cocky sometimes, but you'll find out that I'm a big softie at heart. There is nothing more that a man can do to show a mark of great gentlemenship. So before you ladies start griping that chivalry is dead, just give me a chance and walk near a puddle. I will prove you wrong. Be warned though: if I think you're one of those "self-independent" females that scoff at such kind acts, I won't bother to risk getting my coat wet just for you to roll your eyes at me.
10. Become a fantasy sports writer: Write and complain about pro athletes while playing fantasy sports and getting paid for it? Dream job, anyone?

So there you have it. That's what I want to achieve in my life. Now, you might say to yourself "This guy is an idiot, he has no serious items on his bucket list". Let me warn you before you judge, I do have a serious (even inspring) bucket list as well. Of course you'll never get to hear it. It's top secret and for my eyes to see only. G-14 classified

Thanks for the read (I guess),
K-Dawg