Volume 3: Excuse me sir, could you not drive like a moron?Bad drivers. Whether you're driving to work, going to the supermarket, we all hate them the same. They manage to get under our skin with their dumb driving skills. If you're like me, sometimes these drivers can leave us sitting in our seats swearing up a storm.
So let's define a "bad driver". Typically, a bad driver is also a moron / idiot / jackass. These qualities are essential to being a bad driver. However, I've found that these qualities alone won't make a bad driver. Behavior is what really defines a bad driver. To get started, let's take a look and examine the behavior of these terrible drivers on this youtube video I found. Some of these things people do with cars... I'll tell ya.
Let's get to business. Here are some of my biggest pet peeves from bad drivers:
1. Cruising in the passing lane - It's called "passing lane" for a reason. If it was designed for you to travel 10 miles per hour under the speed limit, then it would be called the "cruising lane". I couldn't tell you how many times I was driving on the highway and some fool was going around 50 mph in the left lane, clogging both lanes up. I like to cruise up right behind him, so they get fed up, speed up and pull over in the driving lane.
2. Turn signals - Are you going left? Are you going right? Are you going straight? Please let us know! It's not hard, people!!!
3. Tailgating - If I'm going 40-45 mph in a 35 mph speed limit zone, which is not slow by any means, there should be no reason to drive directly on my bumper. I know that some people drive unnecessarily slow. However, there should be no reason to tailgate someone who is going above the speed limit. My personal favorite comeback to getting tailgated is responding by slowing down 10 mph. Heh, you should see how funny the tailgater looks flailing his or her arms around in your rearviewmirror (and trust me, they will flail their arms and swear A LOT). I have yet to get my ass kicked from doing this yet, but I figure if they don't have the time to give me driving room, they won't have the time to follow me home and kick my ass. What's the worst they can do? Flip the bird? Child, please.
4. Not following yield signs - A yield sign does not translate to "you're okay to drive without checking traffic". It has been placed there for a reason.
5. Cutting people off - Here is a memo to all dumb drivers out there: I will no longer be stopping when you cut me off. If I hit your car, I'm just going to tell the cop that you cut me off and I could not stop in time. So you better be prepared to pay damage and repair for the maintenance of your vehicle, because I DON'T CARE. Cutting people off just to shave a few seconds of waiting in your car somewhere is a little crazy. Don't you think so?
Enough of the preaching though, here are some entertaining bad driver stories:
- I asked a truck driver I use to work with at my first job at Schiff's Food Supplies what the craziest thing he saw another driver do. He told me the wackiest thing he saw another driver do while driving was eat a bowl of cherrios in a suit and tie (probably late for work). The funny thing about this story is that he was eating a whole bowl of Cherrios, with milk, a spoon and everything. It wasn't one of those grab and go cereal bars. Well, at least he was lowering his cholesterol...
- Two trucks decided to race each other on the highway doing about 45 mph each. I guess they were trucks from the same company and thought it would be cute to race each other back and forth. My friend was driving to work and had enough of their games, so he passed them both off on the shoulder lane.
- I was actually in the backseat of the car that my friend Ben was driving for this next story. We were going a little over the speed limit and some bozo got directly behind our bumper. Well, this did not please Ben, so he dropped his speed to 10mph! The guy behind us was INCREDIBLY pissed. He was so disgusted that he actually followed us to our buddy's neighborhood. Ben knew a narrow alleyway in the neighborhood right next to our buddy's house that we could take. Now, we determined that if the guy went down this incredibly narrow and dangerous alleyway after us that he was hell-bent for some road rage. We pull in the alleyway and the guy turns in after us. What happened next was probably the smoothest and trickiest move I've ever seen anyone pull to get out of trouble. Ben floors it down the alleyway, turns on a street, drives a little bit up it, parks in between two cars on the street and turns the lights and car off. The guy eventually came out of the alleyway, but he was so confused that we were instantly gone that he kept driving and never found us.
- My brother use to always kid around while driving. He was that guy that would swerve the car back and forth to the side to get you concerned while he was driving. One day we're driving home from some event, and a kid riding a quad comes down in the opposite direction of where we were traveling. Now, this kid looks to be under the driving age and shouldn't even be on the road with his quad in the first place, but you know how that is. Anyway, my brother swerves the car suddenly to make it appear that we are going to steer right into the kid. However, he quickly pulls back to the right side, but the kid is simply terrified. We almost ran him off the road into a ditch. He looked back and shook his head in disgust while my brother drove away cynically laughing.
- A guy I currently work with said he pulled his car in the gas station early in the morning on his way to work. He started pumping gas and went inside for a cup of coffee. He pays for the cup of coffee, gets into his vehicle and drives away. The only problem with this is that he forgets to take the pump out of his car. Now that's pretty embarrassing.
That'll do it for this volume of STFU N00B! I leave you with this slideshow of horrendous drivers
Until next time,
Kurt
No comments:
Post a Comment