A "Clutch" Vacation: Volume 2- Lessons Learned

Okay. I'm digging deep for this one. My goal today is to educate and inform you. Yes, just call me the messenger, and you know the golden rule about the messenger. You never shoot him. I'm just telling it how it is. On the first week of September during this year, two good buddies (and young strapping lads mind you) embarked on a journey to the South. The trip was taken in a mean and blue machine known only as "The Oasis". Things unfolded during this trip, but most importantly many lessons were learned. This is my side of the story:



Intro:
So the first question you're probably asking yourself right now is "what the hell is with the Proclaimers here"? Well my friend, you simply do not know the magic of this song. Seriously, this has to be one of the best songs of all-time. Think about it, everybody knows the lyrics (it's not very hard), and everyone wants to sound like one of the pencil pushin' geeks like the Proclaimers. It's just too fun. What's not to like? Seriously, you probably sang along with the song as you pressed play over and over again. Am I right? Of course I'm right. I'm the messenger, and the messenger is always right. Or wait... nevermind. Anyway, the song will probably be in your head for the entire week now. You're welcome. In reality, this song just kind of stuck and became the theme for this trip. But let's get back to business.

Feeling excited as a kid before Christmas for this trip, I went to bed at 2:00AM. Probably was a bad decision considering that the plan was to leave by 4:00AM. Whoops. Oh well, I've drove around places like a zombie before. Surely a scheduled nine hour trip can't be that bad, right? As I woke up, I felt strangely energized. Why? I luckily know a trick to never wake up tired. It's very simple. You just elevate your feet before you go to bed. All of the blood rushes to your head, and then when you wake up, the blood is already in your brain and you're ready to go. I cooked some breakfast (eggs and oatmeal like always), took a shower and then saddled up to pick up Chris. The road trip began.

Now, bare with me for a second. Let's imagine you are on a 500 mile road trip with a good buddy (hey, check that out, a Proclaimers reference!). What do you do to pass the time? Do you just sit and stare at the road the entire time? Hopefully, you don't do that. Maybe you play a little game like eye-spy or spot license plates from different states. Maybe you even sleep a little bit on the way down. Hopefully you don't do that if you're behind the wheel. But let's face the facts. All of those things are boring. Why not spice your trip up? If you're like me and leave early in the morning, you may need to keep active to in order to not fall asleep. Chris and I played some pretty creative name games on the way down (none which I'm able to talk about). Also, there was talk of what was on both of our bucket lists.

We hit Maryland pretty quick. I think we were surprised at how fast we hit it. It seemed like it only took two hours, but we lost track of time cause we were traveling so fast. We were traveling through states so fast that we must of actually time traveled. Hmm, interesting. Anyway, to make a long story short, we finally pulled into NC and Pfeiffer University after eight short hours. The trip was suppose to be about 9.5 hours. Guess we were just excited to be back in the heart of the South. Once, we pulled in, the real fun began.

Meet the Characters:
Kurt Kuklewicz - The hero in the story. He is also the narrator of the story as everything is seen from his point of view. Can be funny at times, but doesn't hit on every joke attempt. Can be a streaky joke teller. Loves himself. Perhaps too much. He's at his best when his ego is the highest, whether that would be receiving compliments from royal women, spilling drinks on females or eating raw hard boiled eggs like Cool Hand Luke. Despite all his flaws, he has a big heart.

Chris Carey - Often described as the "brain" in the operation, this character flirts with breaking the rules. His savvy wits and smarts are enough to motivate our hero character and provide him with the wear-with-all to do everyday tasks. Perfect wingman for literally every kind of situation. Master in the art of BS-ing (just see President's speech from high school). Has a bit of a reputation. Been reprimanded by police multiple times.

Jenna Gulledge - An important character in the story that is often described as the backbone of North Carolina. North Carolina probably couldn't operate without her. Has the brain and the looks. One of those classy girls you would like to show off to your parents. Also known as the "feisty one". Been known to break things at given times. Cell phones are not safe around this character. Also, protective eye-wear is a good idea around this one, especially during card games. Has a pretty good punch for being a girl.

Jan Brownfield - Character that loves to dance, especially in situations of fun. Loves the sound of music. Loves Justin Bieber. Enjoys hearing good one-liners from old high school friends. Dreams of living in the big state of Texas and maybe one day land a nice job there. Also known as the "short one", but she never comes up short in clutch situations, such as providing fun. Her weakness is water.

Rachel Ford - Character that is the hard working type. Knows how to make a chicken sandwich and chicken nuggets, a great one-two punch. Big fan of riding the autobahn, and loves to travel. Happens to be an avid fan of flowers and coffee. However, don't get her that cheap McDonald's roast. You better go classy with this character.

The Plot:
When we arrived, the girls were extremely happy to see us. They showered us with hugs, love affection and gifts. Okay, maybe that's not accurate, but in my own mind, they had a parade for our arrival. The first thing we did at North Carolina was go back to the room (talk about feisty girls)! We had a little fun at the house with pranks, random chit-chat and other entertaining festivities. Now, we only had two nights with the girls, so we had to really try our best to make these days count as memorable ones. We made a little pit stop for some food, and to harrass Rachel while she worked at Chick-Fil-A.

Chris and I had a very important mission during the first day at the grocery store. We were suppose to make the selection and payment of drinks while Jan and Jenna made a selection for a movie to watch later during the night. The girls thought we made a selection and then calmly went back to my truck, but no. This was not the situation at all. Let me indulge you. Here's what really happened. We went to the end section of the store where we heard a muffled yell. When we walked past the back aisle, little Timmy from town was stuck inside the refrigerator and calling for help- for he was about to turn into an ice-cube! I tried my best to signal for help, but no one ever saw us. Thinking quickly, Chris and I grabbed a nearby fire extinguisher and slammed it at the glass opening in the fridge. The glass shattered into a thousand pieces to the floor, and Timmy was safe again. Apparently, he said that the door locked from the inside and all we had to do was open the door, but how could we know that? We're from the North. At least we can say that young Timmy's life was saved that day. And we were responsible. We decided not to brag and tell the girls about our heroic act, and went on with our lives, just like how every superhero would do. On the way back to the girls' dorm, Jenna really showed her poise with controlling music in the Oasis. It was like a perfect match for her in the passenger seat. Country music was belted out the whole ride back.

We returned back to the dorm with the girls and proceeded to chill back a bit, and then watch a movie. The first night we watched "Just Go With It". I don't really remember too much from the movie mainly because we were talking during most of it, which is okay and dandy with me. Of course, when you're learning the art of cuddling, you tend to forgive things like that. My shirt did come off at one point during this night, however, I don't exactly remember when. It wasn't for an extremely long point of time though, unfortunately. We played a card game before the movie actually, which may have involved some drinks (powerade maybe?). The main objective is to follow a set of rules when each card comes out. For example, ten is waterfall. And everybody hates waterfall.

During the morning of the second day, I was feeling extra ambitious and decided to do a little mini-workout. I actually was going to go for a run during the morning, but decided against it mainly because I would probably get lost. Yes, even in the small college of Pfeiffer University. You have to understand that anything is possible with me. I just did a little mini-circuit of push-ups and sit-ups. I was surprised that my normal workout grunting didn't wake anybody up. Although, I could be wrong. Maybe it woke Jan up and she assumed that I was making out with someone again. I don't know, I didn't ask.

After everyone got settled and woke up during the second day, we went to a BBQ place. I don't remember the exact name of the place, but the atmosphere was pretty good. I felt like a redneck at heart. It was glorious for me. I was surprised to learn that they had hard boiled eggs available as a side, so I naturally ordered a bunch of them to gross out the girls. Following some good conversation at the restaurant and egg stuffing, we proceeded to get another movie for the night. This time it was "No Strings Attached". Yeah, I know. I was actually alright with the chick flicks. Certain things like the choice of movie doesn't really matter if you're having fun. I'm going to leave most of the rest of that night as a mystery here for you, but I will say that it was pretty fun. Jan had been wanting to show us that she could dance for some time now. She really showed her stuff when Miranda Lambert came on the speakers at their dorm. It was like an aura of light glistened from the sky. Jenna was ultimately impressed and also displayed some moves of magic. Actually, I think everyone was impressed. But sadly, the carbonation would end for Jenna and Jan after that for the night. We watched the movie and saw just a little too much of Ashton Kutcher's ass for my liking.

During the last day, the original gameplan was to wake up at noon and leave with Chris at 2:00PM to make it back home before midnight. Of course, we didn't end up leaving until about 6:30 or 7:00. I was tired as all hell driving back, but those extra minutes were well worth it. I mean, I learned how to play Go Fish!

Lessons Learned:
- Cuddling is an artform. There's a right and wrong way to do it. Unfortuantely, I cannot discuss the secrets of this fantastic art
- In the game of twister, sometimes you have to "take one for the team" and completely fall on your opponent in order to win the game.
- Swollen calves look pretty cool
- When my iPod died after we hit North Carolina in the truck, I panicked greatly for the lack of awesome country music that we were singing. Have no fear though in the South! Literally, EVERY radio station plays country.
- Shortcuts in Virginia are actually not shortcuts at all. In fact, they take you around an entire village, shopping mall, forest and everything else you could imagine.
- Everything in Virginia is connected to a gas station. You want to eat at McDonald's? Stop at the gas station. It's a two-in-one! Want to pick up some groceries at the grocery store? Don't worry, that also has a gas station in it.
- Lifetime has some really sucky movies (Main theme: never trust a man that owns a secluded cabin in the middle of nowhere)
- Smirnoff Ice is actually "carbonated" and not "caffeinated".
- I have girls' hips
- Really cheesy jokes work best at 4:30 in the morning (Jenna really loves them, especially if they have anything to do with chemistry or tomatoes)
- Women love Ashton Kutcher's ass (guys not so much...)
- Don't make rules to make Jan not dance
- The end of Valkyerie is an intense one
- Taking a bath is a BAD IDEA in certain situations

What I should have done but didn't get a chance to:
- Use Rachel's bathroom for old time's sake (I was getting ready to make my move, when alas, my efforts were blocked by a locked door)
- Buy a cowboy hat and wear it for the rest of the trip. I would of been prepared to sleep with the cowboy hat on if I had to. That thing would of never came off. That's how important it was, and I failed to cash in here. :-(
- I probably would have taken my shirt off more. I was itching to just rip my shirt off and start flexing randomly. I even cut little slits in all of my shirts so I could rip them off like Hulk Hogan for the proper occasion. This probably would have happened if the nine party wasn't botched (thanks a lot, Jenna). :-P
- More pictures so you wouldn't think I'm just making all this stuff up.

A Sad Ride Home:
You know that feeling you get in your heart when something you really like goes away? That's what happened to me as I packed all of our stuff in the back and left. It felt like something was missing, like maybe I actually belonged in the South. What if my destiny was to be in the South? I enjoyed it there so much anyway. Doesn't it make sense? Those were all thoughts that entered my mind on the way back. Excuse me for getting serious for a minute, but I really felt sad to leave the South on the way home. And Chris? Chris was so heartbroken that he slept like a baby the entire way home as shown.
Sleep is very helpful, especially if you are tired from what I hear. After Chris woke up from my yelling of non-stop country music (don't worry, it's as bad as it sounds), we BOTH started belting out country music on the whole ride back. The rest of the ride wasn't too bad except once I hit PA, I got pretty tired. I was running on Monsters and Red-Bull at that point. We also hit some pretty heavy fog. I couldn't even see in front of me at one point, which makes for an exciting ride. I have never seen fog like that in my life. I have to say, despite being a little scary, it was pretty neat for a ride back. To top things off, we were gonna hit Atlantic City, but ultimately decided against it. The girls wouldn't meet us there!

Conclusion:
I came to a really awesome conclusion to this story, and now I am going to share with you all (y'all?). I love the South. I love the lifestyle. I love the little stores and grocery markets. I love the food. I love the activities and fun stuff to do (even if there aren't any) and yes, I even love the people in the South.

The Bucket List

I'm sure everyone has a list of things they would like to do at some point during their life. Getting married, starting a family are probably some common goals people would like to achieve during their lifetime. But those are very cliche and boring! So, I decided to whip up a little list here of things I would like to do in my lifetime at some point. Sure, they may sound a little weird to you, but keep in mind that everyone has different things they would like to get done. Hey, maybe you always wanted to be a show dancer in Vegas. I certainly won't knock you for that. I might even come out to see you perform once (if you're lucky). I like to be entertained, and without further ado, I will now be entertaining you. Talk about a little plot twist, eh? I better have your attention.

Alas, here are some things on my list in no particular order:
1. Hustle someone in a game of pool: I actually had the opportunity to knock this one off the list one time, but I ended up losing (since the entire place I was at doesn't know the official way to play pool). I was down a few balls, he got overconfident and I ran the table at the end to the 8 ball. When I made a ball that slightly touched another and then went into the pocket, he cried and chaos unfolded. I have played in college pool tournaments and clearly know the official rules, but everyone goes by their own little rules that they think is right. Close, but no cigar.
2. Get hit with a puck while spectating a hockey game: Now, you must think I may be really nuts, but how great of a story would that be to tell for generations? "Yeah, I was at a hockey game and Alex Ovechkin winded up for a hard slapper and it deflected off of someone's shin pads and went directly at my nose". Imagine how impressive that would be. And who knows? If I get hit in the mouth with a wicked slapper, maybe the team's coach will notice and sign me to the team for losing teeth. Isn't that one of the requirements to make a professional hockey team?
3. Get pelted with tomatoes on a stage: This is a classic. If I ever have to entertain a crowd (lord help us all) and I'm struggling with it so bad, my only wish would be to get pelted with a ridiculous amount of tomatoes from the audience. That way, I can at least say I started a food fight. That's why if I ever am in a play, or whatever the event or gathering may be, I am going to make sure that tomatoes and salads are served to everyone as a pre-event meal.
4. Become a trending topic on Twitter: I don't care exactly how I become a trending topic, but I want it to happen at least once during my lifetime. I don't mind if people trend "Kuklewicz", the full name of "Kurt Kuklewicz", or even "Big Buff" (my nickname at my college gym). Therefore, I will be trying my best to make waves during my lifetime. When I see an opportunity to get publicity, you can be sure that I'm going to take it just for reaping the benefits of gaining popularity. If I have to save a bunch of kittens from a tree to become a trending topic on Twitter, then so be it. What can I say? I'm a drama queen.
5. Date a Kardashian: Probably a lot harder than it sounds, but come on? You can't argue this one. Even if you're a chick.
6. Go hand gliding: I can't think of a better rush than gliding through the clouds over dangerous terrains. It's a high risk / high reward activity. You may think it's stupid, but let's face the facts. First off, the view has to be incredible, and who the hell doesn't want to fly? I can fulfill the fantasies of being a superhero that I had since I was four years old. Also, nothing gets the heart pumping like the thrill of facing death in the eyes. Incredible cardio workout right there and you don't even need to run.
7. Record a studio album. It doesn't even have to be good. In fact, it could even be so bad that it's comical. Even if I suck at making songs, at least I can thrive at being so bad that I at least make someone laugh. Just look at William Hung. He went platinum. Any takers for creating a band, let me know. I got some good band names stored away.
8. Be in a heist: Yes, it's true. Every guy you know wants to be in a heist. Even the "nice guys". The role I would prefer to play in the heist would be mastermind who draws up the entire strategy. I always called plays in Madden football video games well, and I would imagine that operating a heist is very similar. What's that? A SWAT team is coming at us from the left? Fake it like you're going to take them head on, and then bootleg to the right. See something you don't like during the heist? Audible to a different plan of action. Easy.
9. Throw my coat in a puddle so a lady can walk over it without getting their shoes wet: This has always been on my bucket list ever since I was little. I may be overconfident and viewed as cocky sometimes, but you'll find out that I'm a big softie at heart. There is nothing more that a man can do to show a mark of great gentlemenship. So before you ladies start griping that chivalry is dead, just give me a chance and walk near a puddle. I will prove you wrong. Be warned though: if I think you're one of those "self-independent" females that scoff at such kind acts, I won't bother to risk getting my coat wet just for you to roll your eyes at me.
10. Become a fantasy sports writer: Write and complain about pro athletes while playing fantasy sports and getting paid for it? Dream job, anyone?

So there you have it. That's what I want to achieve in my life. Now, you might say to yourself "This guy is an idiot, he has no serious items on his bucket list". Let me warn you before you judge, I do have a serious (even inspring) bucket list as well. Of course you'll never get to hear it. It's top secret and for my eyes to see only. G-14 classified

Thanks for the read (I guess),
K-Dawg

Pad it and lock it: Workout update

Some progress pics:

I finished my 2nd round of P90X. Now, I gained up to 170 pounds in lean muscle (for the most part). I will say, that I have some belly fat I have to shred now, but I guess that's to be expected from doing a huge bulk from 145 to 170 in 6 months. I'm definitely over 10% body fat, so it's time to start a cutting phase. If I had to guess, I would say that I'm around 12% body fat because my abs are slightly visible still.

The goal: Shred as much body fat as possible while losing minimum weight for the summer. (I would like to not go under 160 pounds, but I'm okay with dropping down to 155 if I ABSolutely have to). I'll start bulking again at the end of August as it stands right now.

The plan: Diet is crucial here. I'm going to shoot for at least 300 grams of protein a day while logging under 170ish grams of carbs. Calories will be in the range of 2500-2700 calories a day. The key is trying to lose fat without losing muscle. It's going to be incredibly tough to achieve this.

The technical aspect: Logging more cardio while still weight training to preserve strength and muscle. One day of cardio will consist of running for 60 minutes. A great blend of pull-ups, push-ups and sit-ups will be included twice in the new weekly workout. Basically, you do half of your max for each one of those exercises and then take a 30 second rest. Then you repeat until you can no longer do so. So far, I have been able to do 8 circuits of 25 pushups, 12 pullups, 20 situps and 10 diamond pushups.

The mental aspect: Pretty simple really. Just stay motivated and on track. May require listening to some really good rap music.

The physical aspect: Increase endurance while trying to maintain the same strength if not increase strength. Core strength will need to be improved. I'll be taking punches in the gut from my brother for 15 straight minutes every day. (Not srs)

Raw Eggs

Hate washing dishes? Hate cooking? Now, there's a new way to get the protein you want and need in the morning! Just grab some eggs from the fridge, crack them into a glass and drink away! 6 raw eggs will give you around 36 grams of protein. I did this one Saturday morning not too long ago. I really didn't feel like cooking that morning and also had some motivation to try something over the top (I was listening to Eminem after I woke up). If you're wondering why I keep squinting it's because I don't have my glasses on. Don't try this at home, kids.

What are some advantages to doing this?
- No cooking required
- Minimal amounts of cooking required
- Fast protein (eggs have the highest grade rating of protein compared to any other food)

Disadvantages?
- Low chance of getting salmonella poisoning
- Taste is awful
- Terrible texture of each individual yolk going down

My final two cents on this: I think that having a few raw eggs here and there is fine for the most part. It's alright if you want to throw one or two in a protein shake or something. However, if you have too many, start combining it with some form of dairy, or just drink raw eggs for the hell of it, then I feel that it isn't worth it. There are so many other options I could of had in the morning to achieve that amount of protein. I could of had two scoops of whey protein and got an additional 14 grams of protein on top of that. If you got a strong stomach and don't mind the disgusting feel of raw eggs, then go for it. I, however, won't be eating raw eggs again for awhile. (I say that yet I'll probably be eating them raw next morning)

A "Clutch" Vacation

Yeah, yeah. I know. This post is long overdue. Don't worry, I didn't forget about it. I got a weird sudden writing rush after midnight and just needed to type all of this stuff. First, before you start reading... you need to get ready for this post by listening to this...



Intro
So now that you're warmed up, let's get to business shall we? Several Saturdays ago, I had plane tickets from Wilkes-Barre, Pennsylvania (ya know, that place by Scranton where they film "The Office") to Charlotte, North Carolina. First, things got kicked off on the right foot with a plane delay. Truthfully, it's actually probably a good thing it got delayed because I didn't have everything ready (Procrastination is the middle name, folks). Chris and I were able to head over to the airport and have plenty of time available to us.

The plane ride on the way to NC was pretty interesting. It was actually my first plane ride. You're probably expecting an embarrassing puke story here, aren't you? Well guess what? Sorry to ruin the fun, but I didn't throw up on my first plane ride. I pounded down a Dramamine before the flight so I wouldn't get any motion sickness.

The Plot
The plot unfolded after Chris and I landed in North Carolina. First, we were chased by vicious and hungry security dogs after we landed. Chris, me and some other random guy were the victims of being chased. We had no idea as to why we were being chased, but I can tell you this. Right then and there, the adrenaline rushed in and this brain starting working. I knew right away that we couldn't outrun a bunch of security dogs even despite how fit and buff we are. So the brain started ticking away as we were running for our lives and then - DING! This boy got an idea! We didn't need to outrun the dogs, we just needed to outrun the other guy. So as we were running, the other guy just couldn't keep up with us, stumbled and he was toast. The dogs were distracted and we made a safe getaway to the bar, where we preceded to pound down drink after drink after drink. Then, we met up with the girls. (Okay, so I exaggerated the plot a little bit there. I thought I would try to juice the story up). No, we didn't get chased by dogs, or hit the bar up before we were greeted by Jan, Jenna and Emily. In fact, we got in a car and drove to a dorm, which in reality, is pretty normal. On the way there, I stocked up on some groceries to last me for the trip. All I ate was eggs, oatmeal, tuna, cottage cheese and olive oil the whole time I was down there (not including some places we went to eat).

The rest of the night we played some good old fashioned board games (well technically it was more of a machine game, but you get the point). I was at my normal competitive self as usual. After the game, I saw a reality about myself that whenever there is a game going on or something where there is a winner, I just have to win. Why is this? Because I hate losing, naturally. DUH! Heh, I can think back to the Glory Days at my house, playing monopoly or any other board game. Whenever I think back to those times, there are always images that pop up in my head of me throwing a fit or crying because I lost at something. I once threw a nickel at my brother, who I missed. Instead, I hit and smashed a ceramic lamp in my grandmother's house INSTANTLY with the nickel. The poor thing didn't even stand a chance. And why do you ask would I do such a thing? It was over a game I lost. The fact is I don't know why I always took winning seriously, but the nickel smashing beast did not rear his head as the guys lost to the gals during the game. I guess I hate losing still, but don't throw hissy fits anymore (much).

The next day was full of events. It involved bowling. It involved a good Disney movie for $2! Eat your heart out, Wilkes Barre! The movie was Tangled, by the way. I gotta say that I was impressed with the movie. Unlike many kids, the only Disney movie I saw growing up was the Lion King. So, it was nice to get some more Disney movies under my belt. After the movie, we ate a Cook Out, which was rather good. I had a chicken wrap (no dressing of course!) and I was in chicken wrap heaven for several minutes. Seriously, I'm not even joking. Well... okay, maybe a little. During the night, we watched some funny videos. Lizard Lick Towing Company is hysterical Southern comedy at its best.

The next day was pretty eventful as well. It involved waking up in the morning and starting my day off like Rocky. I felt rather lazy to cook the eggs again, so I just manned up, cracked 6 into a glass and drank them. It was actually pretty disgusting, but cool at the same time because I felt more manly after drinking it. I'll tell you this, if I had a three wolves moon shirt on while I was drinking the eggs, I would of instantly became a superhero. I mean, think about it. It's simple math. Lean and buff dude with a mysterious shirt, spending breakfast drinking raw eggs in the kitchen of a dorm room in North Carolina. Obviously, the universe would of been mine for the taking at the very moment. Unfortunately, I wasn't even aware of the existence of three wolf moon shirts at this time, or I would of tried it. To be serious, the eggs were pretty nasty going down. To be completely graphic, the texture of each individual yolk going down was the worst part. I shut my taste buds off by simply not breathing in case you were wondering about the taste. Sorry if I made you lose your appetite, or worse yet, I'm sorry if you are eating while you were reading this. I'll buy you a new meal.

We all went to the playground. Derek and I spent some time being awesome and playing in the sand. Okay, okay maybe it wasn't that awesome, but we were awesome in my head at that time. That's what counts. They can't take that away from me. :-)

I gotta say, it was nice to get back in the old habits. Running around the playground, monkeying around the monkey bars, falling down the slide while walking up it; it made me feel like a young kid again. After the playground, we chilled at the dorm for a little bit. Then, Jan, Jenna, Chris and I ventured out to a Waffle House. Now, I hope you are ready for the next part of the story, because this possibly made the trip. No, there was nothing wrong with the meal. I had a chicken sandwich and it was actually very good. However, after drinking my normal 2-3 waters at the table, I requested for another. As it was sitting there, all fresh and well... cold, the unthinkable happened. As Jan reached for the bill, I being the great gentleman I normally am, grabbed it before she could look at it. As the bill was grasped loosely in my hand, I felt fine and dandy for grabbing the bill. Then there was a sudden plot twist. Jan made a move. She went for the bill, while catching me off guard. I was shocked at this stealthy attempt. I, being the clumsy person I am, dumped my water glass all over Jan in my attempt to grab the bill back. As the glass rolled in her direction, I heard a sudden shriek. It was the shriek of fear; for I had spilled my 24 ounce ice cold water directly into Jan's lap. I quickly looked around, and noticed that not all of the water was dumped. So I improvised. I grabbed the glass and poured the remaining water onto myself. Why? I have absolutely no idea. It was in the heat of the moment, I guess. For a minute, I actually thought Jan was going to leave me stranded in North Carolina and not take me to the airport. However, she wasn't sore about it and we just couldn't stop laughing.

Jan actually drove us all to the airport. Haha, I should of figured that she would be desperate to drop me off there. I said goodbye. Everybody cried because they wanted me to stay longer (alright maybe not, but that's what I told myself they did in the car after they walked out, haha). I rode home solo the whole way back and that was it. My trip was complete.

Learning the Southern Language
During my stay, I learned a few things about the Southern language. Now, there isn't really a different language in the South. It's still English of course, but there are some differences in pronunciations, words and so forth compared to what I heard up here in the North.

-All G's are silent in the South. Or at least most of the time they are? (Still working on this one)
-When southern people get angry, their southern accent gets that much stronger for how angry they get (basically, just run away when you hear a super strong southern accent)
-If you ever want to screw southern people up, they don't know the word clutch. I got some weird looks from everybody when I said it at least, haha.
-ING is changed to IN'. Going becomes goin', Coming becomes comin' and so forth.
-You all, becomes Y'all

Learning the Southern Ways and Culture
I am still what you would call a Southern n00b when it comes to culture and stuff, but here are some findings about the Southern culture during my 3 day stay at least.

-Everybody knows some good country music.
-Beer is sold at regular grocery stores (at least in North Carolina).
-Older people walk around in malls professionally and seriously (I'm sure there are people in the North that do this too, but I have never seen people that power walk an entire mall many times in decked out Lance Armstrong gear).
-Movies are cheap. This is obviously a good thing.
-NASCAR is a way of life.
-The food is pretty good. I noticed there is more of an emphasis on chicken and meat around the South- more places like Cook Out.

3 General Lessons I Learned during the trip
1. Don't lift your feet up when you land while riding on an airplane.
2. People can actually hear you when you sing in the shower
3. If you need to tow a car from a guy, persuade him that you'll give him $80 to tow it and then get him to hook his car up to the tow for you. Then, take his car and watch him chase you for it and the money he wants.

Differences between the North and South
You know, I gotta say there are some pretty big differences from the North and South. I got asked during the trip if I had to choose over the North and South where I would want to live. I gotta say, I seriously thought this one over. I think it goes like this - if there were no factors involved, I would choose the South. Hands down, it's not even a question. Now, when everything gets factored in (the roots and family I have in the North, the job I currently have in the North, the snow in the North, the cooler climates in the North) then it's much tougher to decide. I will say this though, if we look at girls, I'm choosing the South every time. The general gist is that they are much nicer, prettier and more... I don't know... fun? So wait, does that mean they are just way better than Northern girls overall? Ah, I don't know.

People are nicer in general. Usually people are more friendly it seemed like in the South. I also noticed that there is less talk of politics in the South. At least, that's the premise I gathered. It's okay, I think this is actually a good thing. Most of the time, when people talk about politics, it's negative bashing of the government or something to that extent.

There are definitely less things to do in the South. There's not much you can actually do in the South. The malls are pretty small, there aren't many options to eat and there aren't too many places to bowl even. As a result, you have to drive to a bigger city which can take a good amount of time. You can always find things to do in the South if you get creative though.

-Me monkeying around at the playground

Conclusion
So this is the part where I tell you what I think of the trip I had, right? What exactly are you expecting me to say? That I either had a good time or a bad time, right? Is that how these posts usually go? Well, you know what? I hate being unoriginal. So, I'll let you figure it out for yourself rather than telling you straight-up what I thought of the trip. But let's review shall we:
-I took a mini-vacation with some awesome people
-I met some new friends
-I took my first plane ride
-I had a day off from work
-I learned more about a culture I didn't really know too much of
-I learned some neat-o Southern slang (not just curse words, either!)
-I played some quick name game I have never played before
-I sang in the shower
-I ate raw eggs (top that one!)
-I ate raw oatmeal as a snack
-I ate at my first Cook Out
-I ate at my first Waffle House
-I watched a good movie for $2!!!
-I gave a very bad first impression with someone new I met (sorry about the bathroom, Rachel)
-I started a sing-along SEVERAL times during the vacation (Sorry, the old lady sitting next to me on the way home in the plane either didn't care or hear me. Curse you, hearing aids!)
-I swung on some swings and monkey bars showing off my awesome physique while doing it (okay not really, but I tried)
-I played in a sand box
-I accidentally played in water and caused quiet a ruckus while doing it (haha Jan) :-P

So you tell me, did I have a great time?

Thanks "Y'all",
Kurt